I've had a fear of the dark ever since I could remember - I'd seriously freeze in place if the lights were shut off on me. I've attempted over the years to feel more comfortable in the dark, but wearing a blindfold and feeling my way around somewhere familiar, like my apartment. I had also mentioned in the previous post about my fainting at the sight of blood.
But I was curious to see this exhibition. The "Dialog in the Dark" was an interactive exhibit to show people what it was like to be blind. You walk through different simulated situations as though you were blind - in the pitch black, armed with only a guide (who is truly blind) and a walking stick. Quite an amazing experience.
The Bodies Exhibit was real bodies on display, showing off different parts of the body.
Now I was fascinated by both of these and wanted to see them, but was conflicted with trepidation. It was a traveling exhibit and wouldn't stay in my city for long. I had just made my resolution and needed something 'scary' to kick off the year. I knew it was a controlled environment and I knew it would not hurt me, just like my disclaimer in my resolution (Do scary things that will not hurt me).
Could I fall down in the dark? Yes, possibly. Would I faint at the sight of the bodies? Maybe. Could happen, yes. Likely? Maybe not. These 'what if' worrisome questions pop up to block you. You mind senses you are going through stress and wants to prevent you from going through it. The trick with overcoming fear is to tell yourself that such 'what if's' are pointless. Thank your brain for looking out for you, but know ultimately that you will be okay. Switch those worrisome "what if's" to positive "what if's" - "what if I actually enjoy this?". "What if I actually learn something from this?" or "What if I regret this if I never do it?"
That was one of the biggest questions I've used as my guide - "Will I regret this tomorrow if I don't take the opportunity now?". If the answer to that question is a resounding "YES!", then you need to go for it.
I remember being nervous on the way down there. A bit of nervous-worry and a bit of nervous-excitement. We had to take off any loose items (including glasses) and put them into a locker. I remember asking, "Glasses too? How am I supposed to see?", much to their enjoyment. We were handing walking sticks and got into line to go in. The butterflies were doing jumping jacks at this point. I really wanted to turn around. I had the thought in my head that I couldn't do this, but I told myself that I already bought the ticket and I COULD do this, that this would be fun. The doors opened and we walked in side. We took a seat into a dimly lit room and the lights started to go down. I'm sure I was sweating bullets.
I then did all I could do - take one step at a time. I think I had a death grip on that walking stick as I moved around. Then I heard my other group members and guide introduce themselves - I realized I was not alone. We were all in this together and perhaps they weren't as scared as I was, but we were all thrown into a situation that was unknown to us. This was unfamiliar to all of us and we kept bumping into one another. Embarrassing at first, but then you realize that no one did it on purpose and that we were all going to do it (multiple times!), so it didn't matter. Besides, you kind of made friends that way -
*BUMP!*
"Oh...excuse me."
"Oh, no problem. Hi, what's your name?"
"Heather. What's yours?"
"John. Nice to meet you, Heather."
"Nice to meet you too!"
And it would continue until you got up and personal with everyone in the group:
*BUMP!*
"Sorry!"
"It's okay. Oh, John, is that you?"
"Why yes it is! We need to stop meeting like this."
The atmosphere was light and joking. I'd say there were smiles all around, but I couldn't see. There was definitely laughter - and lots of it. Not at the beginning, mind you. At first, we were scared and clung to one another, but by the second or third room, we became quite comfortable and moved more around on our own. We began to play and explore.
The whole experience was less about appearances and more about getting to know someone under the surface. I think it was easier to "see" someone's true persona this way. It was a lot harder to hide who you were in the dark, oddly enough... I discovered lots of contradictions that day.
The second part of that day was the Bodies exhibit. It was so fascinating to see things that normally but doctors get to see. More interesting than any textbook. I do have to admit that I did have to sit down about halfway through. Was looking at the nerves and nervous system and felt a little queasy. But I'm not ashamed. I sat down for a few minutes and caught my breath before continuing through the end. I made it all the way through and learned a lot about myself in the process (and not just parts of the body and how to get by in the dark!).
And that's the best part about working through your fears - the feeling of doing something that you never thought you could do. It does wonders for your confidence and makes you feel on top of the world. I've experienced that feeling many, many times since then, but this was the first time after I started my New Year's Resolution.
This seems like such a little thing... especially now. But I doubt I would be doing the things I'm doing now without starting small. Do something small, build that confidence and before you know it, you are doing the impossible.
"Start by doing what is necessary, then what is possible, and suddenly you are doing the impossible." ~St. Francis of Assisi
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